I was forming, my baby boy was starting to grow bigger and bigger each and everyday, I craved nothing but lollies š¬ š, and I am not! a lollie person. I had started to feel him move and felt so guilty that I hadn't even realised he was in there all along. Well that was the first 'mum' moment I had, I guess, us mum's feel bad about everything! society makes us feel bad constantly. It's a battle between wether we are keeping our kids healthy enough, active enough, mentally stimulated and growing their neuro pathways exactly how the scientists tell us too. So yes, my child isn't even bloody born yet, and here I am already feeling guilty about not doing a good enough job! well, welcome to motherhood I guess š. It was a Monday night and I was booked in the next day for my 30 week scan, I had dinner, showered and hopped into bed. I had some extreme pain all over my stomach, up in my rib cage and all across my back, pain like I had never experienced before! Our apartment was seperate however was connected to the back of my parents huge 3 levelled house. Thankfully for us on this night, that meant Dylan could run to get my mum, which he did and then which meant mum grabbed everyone else! Mum came in, Rachel came in, Loobie was round the corner so she called in, dad even came in at one point. I was genuinely shocked she didn't invite the neighbours in! my pain was strange however it had started to form some sort of pattern. The rib and back pain never faded though the belly pain was in stages and then after one sister was timing me and one was getting me anything I needed, we decided to go to hospital. My mother had 4 children, my sister had 1 and another sister who had 3. Even with all their knowledge and experience, my situation was one no one could quite understand and as a first time mum I was so afraid of the 'unknown' I left it to the experts. The doctors took me in straight away, I was given medication for the pain, the midwives checked on our baby and was doing everything they can to change my body from thinking it was ready for labour. This was super stressful however, Dylan was amazing and stood by me the whole time, I am also very thankful for my supportive family. The doctors picked up that my kidneys were not functioning to their potential and gave me some antibiotics to counter act that. I went home to get some rest, I got into bed with my incredible husband, cuddled him tight and let all my worries go. Only a couple of days had passed and my body was turning septic - the meaning of the phrase 'septic' is when Septic shock is so severe and potentially fatal condition that occurs when sepsis leads to life-threatening low blood pressure. My body was going through something I had no knowledge about, because I have such a high pain tolerance and play down most of my pain due to not wanting to sound like a whining bitch. I had let the pain get worse and worse over the last 3 days, I arrived to my doctor's appointment and one look from my doctor and she called an ambulance. I remember thinking what is her problem I'm not that bad! and not that many people know This about me but I HATE HOSPITALS!! I hate that I'm away from everyone I love, I hate the food, I hate being woken up at night, I just hate everything about them! I was in the nurses bay at the back of the doctors surgery, there was a mirror to my left, I turned and was shocked at what I saw. I hadn't realised my skin all over was yellow, I had huge dark grey circles under my eyes, I looked like I had gained 30kgs in 3 days, WTF!!!! what had happened to me in those short hours. My body was shutting down and I didn't even realise, I was very soon holding so much fluid my body parts were struggling to move, I was violently ill every minute of every day. I was rushed into hospital and was taken to the maternity ward due to the fact that yes the 'mum' was sick but the fact I was still 30 weeks pregnant. I remember laying in a hospital bed and feeling my body fading fast, I was exhausted, I was tired, more tired than I have ever felt in my life. I watched a nurse trying to put a cannula in my arm and she couldn't, she was struggling, due to the fact my body was so full of fluid and my skin so tight and dehydrated. I watched one nurse after another nurse after another nurse come into my hospital room, I then counted 12 nurses all around me. I grew tired of watching the nurses and felt my eyes start to shut, I could hear a nurse calling my name and asking me to open my eyes. I knew I should of and yet I didn't feel the energy to want to conform, the nurse hit a bottom behind my head on the wall and a few more nurses cam rushing. I rolled over and opened my eyes to see my husband running down the hallway and pulled himself to a stop right in front of my hospital room door. My sister Alaina and her husband Gary were there, my mother Tracey was there, they were calming and catching Dylan up on everything that was happening. I couldn't imagine the feeling Dylan was feeling, walking into a room were a 'CODE BLUE' siren was going off. the siren was for your wife, your 30 week unborn child.....
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